just tell him i said nine months
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
