i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
