so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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