i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
