She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
