Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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