A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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