omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
