go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
