i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
