i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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