The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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