She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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