I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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