Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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