im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Houston, we have a blender
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
