She's JV to your varsity
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
