i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
