1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
