I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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