I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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