Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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