Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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