Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
