i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
