Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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