Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
