16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
zippers are such a cool invention
nutella sex= disaster
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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