After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
