think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
