i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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