so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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