I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think pants incapable of making pants work
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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