Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
