Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The air taste purple.
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