The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
