Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
