god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
