Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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