Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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