I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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