good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
