This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
