about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize