I accidentally burped into my bong.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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