If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
