It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
