what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
