And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
COCAINE IS GR8
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
