how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
