dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
