Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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