she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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