i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
