I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
