i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
