Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
