I skipped work to stalk him.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
