but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
