Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
