One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
