There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
