How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize