all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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