jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
be right there i have to get my cape
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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