I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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