i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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