Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
nutella sex= disaster
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
