her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
