Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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