i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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