I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
