I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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