On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize