just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
ttyl tear gas
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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