how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
it's like heaven, but drunker
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
