Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
