Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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