It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
