I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
