i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
