i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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