In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
