i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
