Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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