Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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