Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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