Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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