After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
