Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
